Jared listens at Colin without interruption until the passage of his father.
“Not my father !”
“It was what he said.”
“I understand now…”
“I have always the feeling that my father didn’t love me. Always cold and distant with me, but totally in love with my mother. At such a point, I thought his love for my mother was so exclusive that he couldn’t love me. I was just wrong. So continue…”
Colin, in front of the coldness of jared, looks at him with astonishment. But he says nothing. Jared seems to take some distance, to stay detached from story’s reality. As if he was not concerned at all. It’s not normal. And that’s worried Colin. But he pursues.
He describes with details the torture his stepfather had to support. No reaction from Jared. As if it was almost normal. Then he continues until his meeting with Arslan. At the sole mention of his name the attitude of Jared changes. His eyes which seemed so cold until now, fills up with fear and something else… hate.
Colin remembers too well what’s happened then.
When they tried to find John, the men of Arslan fell on them. Exchange of shots, obliging the team of Colin to divide in two. Cause of the state of Jared’s father, the two men who accompanied him were not fast enough and were obliged to stay behind. Enduring the fire of the enemy. Colin from afar saw the Jared’s father fall touched in the head by a shot. As soon as, the two other men free to move, could join the rest of Colin’s men.
He remembers he tried to put his men safe. He remembers he opened fire with Henri to permit them to escape. Then he heard the sirens of FBI outside. During a brief moment like in a slow motion, he saw the grin of Arslan looking Adrian who nodded at him in return from afar. As soon as he understood. He heard his voice shouting to Henri. He saw himself gripping the arm of Henri to force him to leave. And running as fast as possible. Then a deafening sound, a breath and nothing.
When Colin was conscious again, he was lying under blocks of concrete. He felt nauseous and pain on his right side. He tried to fix his idea and understand what’s happened and where he was. Then he heard a voice calling him. Henri ! Thanks to God he was alive. Unable to move, he just raised a hand to show where he was. Then the head of Henri appeared. He said him to be quiet. The rescue services will be there soon. And start to pull the blocks out of his body.
He remembered turning his head and crossing the dead gaze of Adrian. Thinking how ironic the situation was. Before to loose conscious again. Then his next memory was the hospital where he decided to not stay. Asking to Henri to bring him back to home.
He tells too that a fire started just after the explosion burning some corpses among the debris, and these ones are so burnt that it will take time to FBI before to identify them all. Arslan corpse must be among them because he was close to the place where the fire started.
When Colin finishes his tale, Jared doesn’t show any emotion. During a long moment, he stays there like shocked, in silence. Colin and Henri share a questioning look.
Then Jared dares to ask, as if wanting a confirmation :
“So it is finished, isn’t it ?”
“Yes Jared. It is finished now. You have nothing to fear from now.”
Jared closes his eyes a moment and sighs, expelling all the tension that he kept inside since so long.
“Well, I think we all need a shower and some rest before the dinner.”
Then he stands up and leaves the room without other explanation. Henri and Colin looks him leave puzzled. But in another side, Jared said truth, they stink and they need to change their clothes.
After a good shower, Colin dresses and goes down to the dinner room. Henri is already waiting, sat at the table in reading a newspaper. Colin sits too, and George asks :
“Would you start the meal or wait to Mister jared ?”
“I am starving now. We start, I think Jared will join us soon.”
“As you please.”
Contrary to what Colin has said, Jared takes time to come. Worried, Colin decides to look at him. He knocks at his door, nobody answers. So he enters, inside the room nothing special. He hears water in the bathroom. He knocks the bathroom’s door and calls Jared. No answer. Worried in front of the silence, he decides to go inside. Then he sees Jared. Under the shower curled up on the ground, shacked by sobs.
Colin runs and opens the glazed door. He stops the water. And takes in his arms the shaking body of Jared. He caresses his head with this clumsiness so masculin, whispering :
“It’s finish Jared ! It’s finish !”
Months have past since this day. Jared finally accepting to meet an analyst, started to build a new health, a new life. With the result of his blood test, hope came back again. It was negative. His fate, from now on, could take another path. It came under an ironic way. Jared was in the street, coming back home from a rendez-vous with his analyst, when sudden a man accosted him without preamble. At first he was afraid. This man making reappear bad memories. Trying to escape the man to join the car where Henri waited. Form afar, this one saw the man approached Jared, and hurried up to come. Gripping the man by his arms, asking what he wanted.
“Eh man ! Come on ! I don’t want to hurt anybody. I work for a model agency. And we search new faces for a specific campaign. I swear you. See this is my business card. I will be really interested in working with him.”
He looks at Jared who has always a worried expression on his face.
“It wasn’t my intention to frighten you. I am really sorry. But you know when I see you. Wow ! you have such a face. And your eyes are so amazing. You are as slender as a model. And you have this androgyne type that I research. With a physical like that, if you come in my agency, I will make your fortune my dear.”
“You’re serious ?”
“In business, always. Think about it and call me. Bye baby, hope to see you soon.”
After this encounter, Henri and Jared leaved and went home.
Of course, Henri talked about the incident to Colin. But strangely, contrary at what Jared guessed, Colin was not vexed. He even encouraged Jared to make a try. Saying he knew this agency and his serious. This one owing to a good friend of him. Jared didn’t dare to ask how good their relationship with this friend was. In the way Colin talked about him, he guessed a former lover.
And it was like that his new career started.
“Jared Darling, could you try to smile. Beauty is not enough, at least show some expression for God’s sake. I need you to be sexy. I sell dream Baby and you look like you’re going to funeral.”
Jared looks at the photographer uneasy. It is his first time doing this and he doesn’t know what to do.
“Don’t be so grumpy William ! And be clement ! Have you already forgot how frightened you were at your first time ? Let him breath a moment.”
“André ! You looks fine…”
And, as the two of them continue their salutations. Jared sends a look full of astonishment to André. He has heard a lot of things about the famous model but to see him in real. What a shock ! This one look such like a woman. He heard with some incredibility that this one could work for both men and women clothes. But in seeing him, all his doubt erases as soon as. He is amazing. Then he concentrates on his performance he did just a time before. He is so ill at ease, but he wants to do his best.
Lost in his thought, he doesn’t pay attention that another person is entered in the room. André comes close to him and says to his astonishment :
“I heard about you. “
Jared didn’t know what to think about this statement. Does André imply something negative or positive ? Or worse about his recent past ? André, all of sudden, takes his chin softly between his fingers and smiling asks him.
“You seem frightened like a deer. Are you virgin ?”
At this question who takes him aback, a veil of sadness falls on his eyes. The smile of André fades and he adds for the puzzlement of Jared.
“What do you mean by « I heard about you » ?”
“The director of this agency is my lover. And I heard how your lover is really protecting with you.”
“My lover ?”
Jared can’t help himself to blush.
“You make a mistake Colin is not my lover.”
“Really ! But you live with him, no ?”
“And you never…”
“No ! “
Jared starts to feel pissed by all this questioning.
“How interesting ! He must have you in great estime.”
“André you promise to let Jared quiet.”
Hearing Colin, Jared smiles happy to see him and to end this disturbing talk. In seeing the change in Jared, André smiles and looking at Colin in laughing :
“Not your lover ? I see.”
Colin answers with exasperation. André turns to Jared.
“Sorry, I like teasing all the time. You will be used to this soon. Come, baby ! I will help you with your shooting or William will be mad.”
From afar, Colin sees André talks to Jared. To see the two young men together side by side. Colin feels a knot in his stomach.
“Beautiful, isn’t it ?”
Someone whispers in his ears from behind. Colin smiles in recognizing the voice.
“Danny ! Old scamp !”
“When I heard you where here I didn’t resist the pleasure to see you. I have great hope with your protected, you know.”
“Yes, I am sure with a face like that he will success. Why don’t you come together for dinner one day. I am sure we could have good fun the four of us.”
“Forget about that old pervert !”
André says in coming back.
“Oh ! And why that ?”
“What’s happened to Jared ? Agression ? rape ?”
He asks to Colin always direct like he is used to be. This latter is taken by surprise. He knows, André is blessed in reading people, but he never imagined he could do it so easily. Seeing the smile erases as soon as on Colin’s face, André understands he has seen just. His impression is reenforced in hearing Colin’s answer.
“Only, Jared could talk about his life. I will never betray him. “
Then turning to Danny, André adds :
“That’s why ! So forget about this.”
“Oh! Sorry Colin ! I couldn’t imagine… But my invitation is always topical. After all, we can also eat and talk, I guess.”
Danny said that in such a way, with so much disappointment that Colin and André burst out laughing.
From his place, Jared sees the three men laughing. He has recognized the director of the agency, Danny. Even if André said he was his lover, he can see how much Colin and Danny seems close. And he feels like a knot in his stomach. Strangely, he feels some kind of anger in seeing Danny put his hands on the shoulder of Colin as if he was his. At this moment, William the photographer talks and says :
“Don’t forget Jared, I need at first you show your agressive side. Something wild. Ok ?”
The shooting starts. Grace to the André’s advices, he feels more at ease and his anger help him to give what William wanted. After this first part, they made a pause. William in the second part wanted some photo more sexy, with more seduction. Jared not at ease, was not sure of him with this part. André comes to see him and whispering something in his ears. Jared blushes but nods. André joins back the other. Colin wonders what did André say to make blush like that Jared ? His curiosity awaken. The second part of the shooting starts. In seeing Jared played with William, Colin swallows with difficulties, mesmerized by Jared. He has never see him like that. Being alternatively, provoking, sensual, teasing, lascivious like after sex, or purely lustful. It was a revelation for him. He would like it was him who provokes this reactions in Jared.
He hears Danny said.
“Colin, if you don’t get in on with him, I swear you I’ll do it. Ouch !”
He looks with guilty André who has given him a nudge in his ribs.
“You seems to forgot something ! or rather someone !”
“It was just… theoric.”
“Theoric ? Really ? Don’t kidding me ! You’re an old pervert.”
“For God’s sake ! Please ! Stop to say that I am old.”
They hear the photographer saying it was over.
“Really good job Jared ! “
Danny looks at the screen of the computer where the assistant of William works already on Jared’s pictures. And seeing the result :
“Jared, I think we will make a fortune with you my dear. You have a real gift for this job.”
Later in the Colin’s car, Jared, exhausted by his day, is sleeping. His head falls on the shoulder of Colin. This one dares to wrap his arms around the shoulders of Jared who comes closer. Touched by this unconscious trust, he kisses the top of Jared’s head. In raising his head, he crosses the meaningful gaze of Henri in the rear-view mirror. Without saying a word he turns his head looking outside.
Colin has received the result of the FBI’s investigation. This one was closed. The organisation of Adrian is now dismantled. And Adrian and Arslan are officially declared dead. He had his revenge. But this one let him some kind of bitterness in the heart. That didn’t erase the Peter’s lost. Then he looks at Jared. But, from these years of hate is born a little light of hope. Even if the victory tastes bitter that brought Jared in his life. Maybe it’s time to close this chapter of his life from now on. And to start a new story.
The tomorrow was a day off for Jared and Colin decides to work at home. Jared plans to finish a chapter of his new fan fiction when he receives a text message of Fallmar.
Fallmar to Broken_Angel :
“Hi Beauty ! 😀 “
Broken_Angel to Fallmar :
“Hi Honey ! Did you finish your exam ?”
Fallmar to Broken_Angel :
“Oh man ! I would like ! Cause of that I haven’t enough time for my writing ! 🙁 “
All of sudden, Jared startles at a furious voice behind him.
“Beauty ? Honey ? What the fuck is that ? You don’t know who is this man. How could you be so reckless ? Even after what happened to you, you act like a child. I can’t believe it.”
“Give me your laptop.”
And without waiting he takes it and clicks on the button : video call.
“Please Colin, stop !”
On the screen a young and handsome blond man appear. Colin without preamble questions almost aggressively Fallmar.
“Who are you ?”
“Wow ! Even if you’re angry you can stay polite. Hello is the least you can say.”
“I am sorry Fallmar” — Jared says in greeting Fallmar with a hand — “I present you Colin he is a little bit grumpy today.”
Jared finishes in laughing. He stops as soon as he sees the murderer look of Colin. After this short presentation, Colin starts questioning the man : Who is he, what does he do, again and again, until Colin was satisfied. For the pleasure of Jared, Fallmar takes that like a challenge. Finishing by teasing and testing the resistance of Colin. Jared can’t help himself to laugh in front of Fallmar’s impertinent answer. The exchange was funny and Colin finishes the questioning in smiling.
“Ok you can continue you talk together, maybe I have been a little bit rude later. But I defend you to call Jared « Beauty » and you to call Fallmar « Honey ». Understand ?”
The two of us answer in unison. Fallmar making a military salute. Then Colin and Fallmar say hello to each other and Colin leaves. He barely passes the door that he hears :
“Hey Beauty ! Is he always like that ?”
Colin shakes his head and can’t help himself to laugh.
“OMG ! He is so protective with you. He must love you a lot.”
Jared blushes and says :
“It’s ridicule. I already explained you. Since he helped me, he is like a big brother for me, you know. Nothing more.”
“Nothing more ! Are you blind ? Wow ! This man is so handsome. I love him. So manly. If you don’t want him… you know…”
“Hey ! He is not for you. “
“Ha ! Ha ! So you admit you love him.”
Jared blushes again.
“Oh yes ! You love him. You blush.”
“I don’t blush.”
“Oh ! Yes you do.”
“Stop to be childish !”
“Who is the childish one ?”
The teasing between the two young men continue like that a little moment until Fallmar has to leave. After call’s end, Jared stays a little bit distract, daydreaming. He remembers what André whispering in his ears during the shooting.
“Look at Colin and imagine you want to seduce him. You want his hands on your skin. To kiss his lips. To feel his strong body against you. To be hold tightly by him. All you’ll do is for him. Just for him.”
This words was like a shock in realizing that it was really what he wanted. Maybe Fallmar is true, and he loves Colin. But to love and to make love is two different things and he is not sure he is ready to pass this pace. Since his « experience » with Arlsan, his body is cold, without reaction, dead. Like if his mind and his body were two distinct things. His mind loves Colin, his body not.
Jared didn’t know if his body will heal. Sometimes he is afraid he will stay like that forever. His analyst said him this state can take more or less long time. Nobody can say. When Jared will be ready in his mind to accept sex act, he will know. His body will respond and the pleasure will come back too. Except at the beginning, when he took costumers, he lost all pleasure in the act. It happens after his first rape by Arslan. Making sex mechanically after that.
He remembers once Colin said : ” Don’t let Arslan destroy you. “. Yes, Colin is right. He wants to take the control of his body again. To be able to give pleasure and to feel pleasure too. He wants to be whole again. For Colin and for himself.